


You're A Soppy Old Fella

by moonstars1



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Naked Cuddling, Oral Sex, POV Multiple, Period-Typical Homophobia, Self-Harm, Sex, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 10:23:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6562579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonstars1/pseuds/moonstars1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas is feeling like he has no future, so why carry on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first FanFic, so I apologise if it's not great! Feel free to give me feedback I'm open to advice. Hope you enjoy.

Thomas is feeling like he has no future, so why carry on. Thomas has been self-harming for several months now and his depression has been getting worse. He felt worthless, unloved and foul. If he was to die tomorrow nobody would give a damn, heck they wouldn't even notice. Things between Thomas and Jimmy had become better over time but he felt like Jimmy was uncomfortable around him, he'd never look Thomas in the eye for more than 3 seconds, whenever he'd walk into a room Jimmy would flirt with Ivy, they would rarely spend time alone if they were alone Jimmy seemed very distance and not interested. Thomas was still hopelessly in love with Jimmy, he tried so hard to move on and forget about him but it was easier said than done. Seeing his smile gave him will to live but then remembered Jimmy would never be able to love him, he'll always feel awkward around him. It would be best for everyone if he was to disappear. So he decided that he'd kill himself that night.

 

At dinner that night Thomas was distance and quite, unlike his usual self. Anna noticed that and questioned him "Thomas are you alright? You seem very quite"

 

Thomas put a fake smile on. "Yes, everything's fine"

 

After dinner, Thomas smoked a few cigarettes and played card games with Jimmy and Alfred. Thomas kept losing the games. Alfred and Jimmy could tell something seemed to be bothering Thomas. "Thomas are you sure you're alright, you seem... sad?" asked Jimmy. Thomas got up from his seat and put out his cigarette. "Yes, I'm fine, just tired that's all. Goodnight" Thomas leaves the room. Alfred and Jimmy looked at each other and shrugged it off.

 

Thomas retreated to his room. Changed from his livery to sleepwear and got into bed. He kept the lamp on and grabbed a knife he kept under his pillow. He folded up his sleeves and looked down to his scarred arms and started crying. He felt so disgusting. He wanted this pain to end. He got the knife to his wrist when there was a knock at his door. He looked up in confusion wondering who'd knock at his door at 12 am. He pulled his sleeves down and hid the knife under his pillow. Wiping the tears from his face, hoping they wouldn't notice he'd been crying. He opened the door to see Jimmy on the other side. "Jimmy? Something wrong?" Jimmy looked Thomas in the eye. "Urm... nothing. Have you been crying, Mr Barrow?" Thomas felt embarrassed. "What? no. Is there something you want?" Jimmy could tell Thomas is lying. "Your eyes are red Mr.Barrow" Thomas was becoming annoyed "Yes I'm tired Jimmy. If there's nothing you want then please go back to bed" Thomas snapped slamming his door. He put his head back to the door letting himself cry again. He can't kill himself here, he didn't want Jimmy to walk in on his dead body. He didn't want Jimmy to see such a sight. So he decided his next half-day off he'll go into the woods and do it there.

 

The following morning came and Thomas sat down for breakfast. Jimmy came around to sit next to him. Jimmy would never sit next to Thomas. "I'm sorry about last night" Jimmy whispered. Thomas couldn't look at Jimmy, he felt so embarrassed that he noticed he'd been crying. "It's fine. Forget about it" With that Thomas got up and left to go outside for a cigarette. After a few moments of smoking in peace, he heard the door open. Not looking up to see who it was he kept his gaze on the floor, leaning his back against the wall. It was Jimmy who'd walk out.

 

"Thomas are you sure you're alright?" Jimmy said worriedly.

 

Thomas laughed in annoyance, he met Jimmy's gaze. "Why does everyone keep asking me that"

 

"It's because we're worried about you Thomas"

 

Thomas shook his head "Rubbish"

 

"Why do you say that?"

 

Thomas looked down, bringing his cigarette to his mouth he breathed in deep. Exhaling the smoke from his mouth. "None of you care about me"

 

Jimmy felt shocked Thomas felt this way. "That's not true Thomas"

 

Thomas put out his cigarette, looking at Jimmy. "Isn't it?"

 

Jimmy looked down, feeling sad Thomas would think that. "Thomas I'm-" He looks up but Thomas had already gone.

 

When Thomas half day off came round he got his knife from under his pillow and placed it in his coat pocket. He told Mrs Hughes that he'd be out late at the pub so they wouldn't wonder where he was. Not that they'd care. As he went to leave he heard running footsteps. "Mr Barrow, wait for me" Thomas looked at Jimmy with confusion. "What are you doing?" he questioned Jimmy as he put on his coat. "I managed to get my half day off the same day as yours. Thought we could go to the pub" Thomas knew he had no way out of this. So he reluctantly agrees. "Alright" Jimmy Smiles. On their way to the pub Thomas and Jimmy didn't speak much, occasionally Jimmy would look at Thomas. "Thomas are you happy at Downton?" Thomas knew the answer was no, but he lied and put a fake smile on. "Yes, I have been there for many years now, I hope I have many more years to come" They got to the pub, Thomas brought himself and Jimmy a beer. They sat in a corner near a window away from other people. Thomas placed the drinks down on the table and sat opposite to Jimmy. There was an awkward silence between the two. Jimmy tried to make conversation but Thomas wasn't all that focused, he was staring into the distance at this young couple in love. They were kissing, holding hands doing what couples do. Thomas envied them, they could be free to show their affection and love. Jimmy looked back to see what caught Thomas's gaze. Jimmy looked at Thomas, he seemed so sad. Jimmy suggested they went for a walk and Thomas agreed.


	2. Animal Trap

"Do you ever wish you were born... normal?" Jimmy carefully asked.

 

Thomas replied with honesty. "I used to. I tried to change but it didn't work. I'll always be this way"

 

"I wouldn't change you for the world Thomas"

 

Thomas had butterflies in his stomach. Hearing Jimmy say that made him happy, but he knew it was only a friendly comment... nothing more.

 

"We should head back, I'm feeling rather tired," Thomas said.

 

During their walk back Thomas couldn't get his self-loathing thoughts out of his head. He hated himself, whenever he looked in the mirror he'd see nothing but disgust and worthlessness. He put his hand in his pocket and felt the knife, he'd forgotten about. He still wanted to kill himself that night, so he had to come up with a plan to get rid of Jimmy so he could quickly slip into the woods. Thomas thought of an idea that could work. "I just remembered I needed to buy some more cigarettes. I'll head back to buy some"

 

"Won't the shop be closed now?" Jimmy questioned.

 

Thomas quickly thought of something to say. "Not if I quickly go over there now"

 

"Well, I don't mind quickly going back. I'll probably be quicker than you" Jimmy cheekily said.

 

"Yes alright. You can give me the cigarettes in the morning"

 

"Won't I be giving them to you when I get back?" Jimmy wondered.

 

"No, I'll have an early night tonight"

 

Thomas gave Jimmy some money and they parted ways.

 

Thomas took a long look into the woods, telling himself "Here it ends" He starts walking into the woods not noticing that his hat flew off. He found a good spot to take his life, he wanted his body to be found so he didn't want to go too far. Thomas sits against a tree and takes the knife from his pocket. He pull's his sleeves up and take's the knife to his arm, cutting his skin tears running down his cheeks. He makes his way down to his wrists cutting them.

 

Jimmy made it to the shop but it was closed. He huffed in annoyance, he knew Thomas could become moody without cigarettes. He made his way back to Downton. On his way he notices a hat looking very similar to Thomas's. "Thomas?" Jimmy shouts. He doesn't know why but he becomes drawn to the woods, feeling like he should explore in there. He starts walking in the woods shouting Thomas's name.

 

Thomas is sitting there, not hearing Jimmy's shouts. He's deep in his thoughts thinking this is for the best. I won't be in people's way anymore. They won't miss me. I have no one. Wonder how many will turn up to my funeral. Nobody has every loved me. My family's disowned me, they won't care about my death. With those thoughts killing Thomas he then slits his wrists, watching the blood quickly come out of him. He was suddenly taken from his gaze when he hears a man shout.

 

"THOMAS WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE" Jimmy shouts running to Thomas, falling on his knees in between Thomas's thighs grabbing his wrists to stop the blood flowing out.

 

"Thought you'd be glad?" Thomas said coldly.

 

Jimmy was heartbroken Thomas would ever think that. "Why would you say that" Jimmy starts crying.

 

Thomas started sobbing and before he knew it he was blurting out what he'd been holding back for a while. "I thought we were friends and we'd moved on from what happened, but I was wrong. I see how much I disgust you and everyone else. You're always odd around me, you'll distance yourself from me. WheneIer I walk into a room you'll flirt with Ivy, you can't stand to look at me for more than 3 seconds. If we're alone you'll be shifty and seem very uncomfortable. If we touch you look like you're about to throw up" Thomas throws his head back at the bark, not being able to look Jimmy in the eyes.

 

Jimmy felt like a tonne of bricks had hit him. He felt so shameful for making Thomas feel this way. Thomas was so wrong about him, he wanted to tell him he'd gotten it all wrong but Thomas was becoming very white and the blood was still coming out despite Jimmy tight grip. He had to focus on getting Thomas help, he could explain everything to Thomas later... he hopes. Jimmy wrap's handkerchiefs around Thomas's slit wrist, he grabs Thomas's arm and wraps it around his shoulder. Thomas is struggling to walk feeling drained and weak, he's putting his full weight onto Jimmy. They walk out of the woods and onto the roads, they weren't far from Downton. Jimmy was struggling to keep a hold on Thomas, he was much heavier than him. "We're not far now Thomas" Thomas just murmured, feeling, even more, weaker struggling to even speak. Thomas couldn't feel his legs work anymore. Thomas passes out onto Jimmy. "Thomas? Thomas wake up" Jimmy pleaded. Jimmy placed Thomas on the floor checking his neck for a pulse. Jimmy was crying, he couldn't loose Thomas he wouldn't know what he'd do without him. He found a very weak pulse in Thomas' neck, he knew he had to get him back fast. With all Jimmy's strength he put Thomas's waist onto his shoulder, his arms dangled down and Jimmy had a tight grip on Thomas's back leg.

 

Jimmy made it back to Downton. He run's to the back door slamming it against the wall and run's into the hall shouting for help. Everyone in the servant's hall quickly jumped up to see what the matter was. Mrs Hughes was the first to see "What's the matter, James?" Jimmy carefully placed Thomas on the floor, wiping his tears away to look at Mrs Hughes. "urm, Thomas- Thomas fell into an animal trap, trapping his wrists" Mrs Hughes went over to Thomas, on her knees she slowly took away the handkerchief to see the damage. Mrs Hughes could tell straight away what really happened. She gave Jimmy a look, Jimmy knew she knew what actually happened. "Call for Mr Clarkson," Mrs Hughes said. Alfred was the one who rang him. "Is Mr Barrow alright?" Daisy asked with concern. Mrs Hughes gave Daisy a look of uncertainty.

 

Thomas awakens in the hospital, he's feeling tired, weak and confused. He looks at his bandaged wrists feeling like a failure. He didn't succeed in his plan yet again. He can't do anything right, Thomas thought to himself. Thomas sit's himself up struggling to reach his glass water, then Jimmy walks into the room. "Here let me help," Jimmy said reaching the glass of water. "I don't need your help" Thomas snapped. Jimmy sat on the chair next to Thomas. "Why didn't you just let me die," Thomas said in annoyance. "Thomas don't be like that" Jimmy's voice sounding sad. "Thomas. I-I have to tell you something... I'm-" Dr Clarkson walk's in stopping Jimmy counting his sentence. "How are we today?" Dr Clarkson asked. "Fine" Thomas said with a fake smile. Jimmy could tell his smile was fake, he's hardly seen Thomas's real smile in these past few months. "Could you leave us, Jimmy, I'd like a word with Thomas alone please" Jimmy nodded and left the room, leaving the door slightly open so he could listen in.

 

"Thomas... Your story of an animal trap causing this doesn't add up" Before Thomas could speak Dr Clarkson continued.

 

"Your wounds are self-inflicted, and your arms are full with cuts" Dr Clarkson carefully said. "I can offer you help, advice if you want it"

 

Jimmy listen's in thinking Thomas doesn't need any help from anybody. He needs me. Jimmy hears footsteps coming to the door, he quickly walks away making himself look busy. Dr Clarkson comes out.

 

"When can he come back to Downton?" Jimmy asked.

 

"I should say in a few days" As Dr Clarkson was about to leave he stopped and turned back around to Jimmy.

 

"James... Has Thomas been unhappy these past few months?"

 

Jimmy stops to ask himself that. Yes, he has. But Jimmy lies "No, not to my knowledge. Why you ask?"

 

"No reason" Dr Clarkson walks away going about his business.

 

A few days past by. Thomas is leaving hospital today and coming back to Downton. He's been ordered to bed rest for at least a week. Thomas is looking forward to leaving the hospital to get back to his own bed. When he arrives back at Downton entering through the back door he see's everyone busy with their chores. "Good to have you back Mr Barrow," Daisy said with a big smile. "It's good to be back" Thomas smiled a little. He sat down in his chair in the servants hall, putting a cigarette up to his mouth reading the newspaper. Jimmy walked in "Thomas! You're back" He said with a bright smile. Thomas nodded, not loosing his gaze from the newspaper. Thomas was still annoyed that Jimmy found him in the woods. "How are you feeling?" Jimmy asked. "Fine thank you" Jimmy heard the annoyance in Thomas's voice. Jimmy went on with his chores that day.

 

Alfred and Jimmy were in the servants all playing card games. "You only get animal traps in the woods right?" Alfred asked.

 

Jimmy wondered where Alfred was taking this. "I suppose. Where're you going with this Alfred?"

 

"You don't think Thomas was doing... something foul in the woods do you?" Alfred whispered so only he and Jimmy heard.

 

Jimmy was angry at that comment. "No i do not Alfred. Thomas is a good man. Nothing foul about him" Jimmy angrily said storming out the servants hall, leaving Alfred and Mr Bates looking at each other in confusion. Jimmy went into his room to change from his livery to sleepwear. He went to Thomas's door and knocked before entering. Thomas was sitting on his bed smoking a cigarette and reading a book.

 

"Jimmy. Everything alright?" Thomas was surprised to see Jimmy in his room.

 

"Truth be told, Thomas. No everything's not alright"

 

"Oh? What's wrong?"

 

Jimmy went over and sat on the bed next to Thomas. "Do you really think I'd be happy if you were dead?" Jimmy had sadness in his eyes.

 

Thomas looked down, closing his book and putting out his cigarette. "Yes"

 

Jimmy moved closer to Thomas, placing his hand on the other side of the bed. "Do you still love me?" Jimmy looking deep in Thomas's eyes.

 

"Why would you ask me that?" Thomas was shocked that Jimmy would ask him that. It was a topic neither of them ever spoke of.

 

"Please Thomas, I need to know" Jimmy pleaded.

 

Thomas looked down away from Jimmy's beautiful blue eyes. He nods, then confesses. "Yes Jimmy i do"

 

Jimmy had a bright smile on his face. He kisses Thomas's lips. Thomas was taken back when he felt another pair of lip's on his own. Eye's wide open, feeling confused, why was Jimmy kissing him? He doesn't believe it. This must be some kind of sick joke from Jimmy. Thomas pull's back pushing Jimmy away, he jump's out of his bed. "Leave now Jimmy" Jimmy was confused and heartbroken, he thought Thomas would be happy, he can finally give him what he wants and much more. Jimmy get's off the bed and walk's towards Thomas but Thomas walk's back. "Why are you being like this Thomas?" Jimmy said sadly. "It doesn't make sense Jimmy, you had made it very clear you couldn't give me what I wanted. You treated me so badly for months, even as friends you never dared to be close to me, then all of a sudden you're kissing me" Thomas had his hands in his hair, on the verge of crying all his emotions showing. Jimmy walked closer to Thomas "I-I struggled Thomas. I hated you for a while i'll admit, but before i met you I had no feelings towards another man, then you came along" Jimmy nearly crying, he cup's Thomas's left cheek with his hand. "I hated that you made me feel this way about another man, it weren't right, in the eyes of the law and the eyes of god, in the eyes of society, how something is seen as so foul feel so right. I-I want you, Thomas. I've fallen in love with you, and I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to accept it" Thomas was speechless. Jimmy slowly went into a kiss, looking deep into Thomas's eyes, locking their foreheads together, Jimmy kisses Thomas's lips and Thomas kissing back this time. The kiss was full of love, lust and passion. They break the kiss locking their foreheads again, Thomas half laughing. "I love you Jimmy Kent" Thomas for the first time felt positive about his future.


	3. Carson will hear

Thomas was getting ready when Jimmy walked into his room. "You're changing into your livery?" Jimmy questioned. "Yes, I'm feeling much better and I'm becoming very bored being stuck in here all day" Jimmy was happy Thomas was returning to work he's missed his company. Jimmy walked up to Thomas and kissed him, he pushed Thomas back against the wall, their kiss becoming more passionate. Thomas gently pushes Jimmy away and let a small laugh out. "Calm down Jimmy!" Jimmy laugh's and tries to kiss Thomas again but he hold's him back. "I want you Thomas" Thomas smiles and places his forehead on his lovers. "I want you too. But we have work to be getting on with" Jimmy groaned at that. He had much better things he could do with his time than run around doing chores. Thomas and Jimmy sat next to each other over breakfast. "Glad to see you back on your feet Mr Barrow," Mrs Hughes said with a smile. Thomas gave a nod and smile. The bell's started ringing and everyone went about doing their duties. "James could I have a word with you in my office," Mrs Hughes said. Jimmy and Mrs Hughes made their way to the office. "How is Mr Barrow holding up?" Mrs Hughes asked with a hint of concern. "He's doing well Mrs Hughes" Jimmy had a feeling he knew where this was going. "I wondered if you wouldn't mind keeping an eye on him. He's a vulnerable man deep down" Jimmy knew Mrs Hughes had a soft spot for Thomas. "Certainty" Jimmy smiled, then went about his chores for the day.

 

Day turned to night. Thomas was outside smoking when he was startled by a man jumping on his back. He felt a pair of lips hit his cheek. "Oi! You made me drop my cigarette" Thomas said slightly annoyed. "Don't be so grumpy" Jimmy tightened his grip around Thomas's neck. "I'm not grumpy" Thomas protested at that comment. Jimmy laughed. "What's so funny?" Thomas questioned. "Oh c'mon Thomas. You are a grumpy old fella" Jimmy slid off Thomas's back and locked their fingers together while looking Thomas in the eye. "But I still love you. Even when you're grumpy" Jimmy cheekily winked. Thomas punched the side of Jimmy's shoulder and laughed. They walked back into the servant's hall, everyone had retreated to their rooms. Jimmy sat down at the piano and played a little, Thomas sat at the table reading a newspaper.

 

After a while, Thomas and Jimmy retreated back to Thomas's room. Jimmy locked the door. Thomas gave Jimmy a questioned look. "Nobody's going to come in James" Jimmy shrugged. "Rather be safe" Thomas started to take his livery off, Jimmy walked over to help him. Jimmy starts kissing his lover's neck making him moan. "I want you Thomas" Jimmy's hands run through Thomas's black hair, he pulls the hair gently. Crashing their lips together, Jimmy's slowly move's his hands down to Thomas's crotch. "Jimmy" Thomas broke their kiss breathing heavily. "Are you sure?" he didn't want Jimmy to rush into anything he'd later regret. Thomas was fine waiting for him to be ready. "Yes, Thomas I'm sure" Jimmy led Thomas to the bed. Jimmy slowly takes all of Thomas's livery off leaving the tall man naked. Jimmy gasped at the man's beautiful body. It was better than Jimmy ever dreamed and imagined. He kisses him passionately, Jimmy's clothes hitting the floor. Jimmy moves onto the bed under the covers Thomas in between his thighs. Jimmy felt Thomas's hard cock against his own aroused cock. "ugh Thomas. Make love to me" Jimmy pleaded breathing heavily, needing Thomas's touch he longed for. Thomas kissing every part of Jimmy, kissing down to his v line he looks up into Jimmy's eyes for confirmation he wanted this. Jimmy nods "Please Thomas" Jimmy's hand tangled up in Thomas's hair. Thomas takes his lover's cock in his mouth. Jimmy moans loudly. "Shhh. You'll wake Carson" Thomas whispered. Jimmy murmured hitting his head back against the pillow moaning Thomas's name. Jimmy could feel himself on the verge of coming. He didn't want it to end. "Thomas stop" Thomas quickly stopped, feeling Jimmy regretted this, feeling he overstepped the line. Jimmy breathlessly laughed, he found it cute when Thomas became anxious and worried. "Sorry, Jimmy" Thomas felt he needed to apologise. Jimmy shakes his head. "Don't ever say sorry to me Thomas" Jimmy brings Thomas's lips to his own when they parted Jimmy bit his lower lip. "Thomas I-I want you, I need you to make love to me" Jimmy was ready to fully give himself to Thomas, almost loosing him he didn't want to waste time waiting. Thomas looks deep in Jimmy's eyes, he could tell he really wanted this.

 

Thomas got out of bed to get the lubricant from his draw. He walked back to the bed, spreading Jimmy's thighs wide. He lubricant's his hard cock, grabbing Jimmy's hand pushing it back to the pillow locking their fingers. Thomas enters Jimmy carefully and slow. Jimmy closes his eyes and scrunches his face in pain. "Relax" Thomas whispers in Jimmy's ear. Jimmy nodded as he tried to relax. Thomas starts kissing all over Jimmy's neck, grinding in him slowly trying to turn the pain into pleasure. Jimmy starts to relax and the pain feeling turn's into pleasure. "uughh Thomas, my Thomas" Jimmy groans. "shhhh" Thomas places a hand over Jimmy's mouth to keep him quiet. Thomas starts to go deeper making Jimmy groan louder under Thomas's hand. Thomas kisses his lovers red hot lips, entangling his hand from Jimmy's hold and starts caressing Jimmy's inner thigh. Thomas makes his way down to Jimmy's nipple sucking on them, his hand moves onto Jimmy's hard cock leaking from pre-cum. "OH GOD THOMAS" he loudly says. "Jimmy will you be quite, Carson will hear you" Thomas pleaded. Jimmy laughed breathing hard. "I don't care, let him" Thomas shakes his head and laugh's, he never thought Jimmy would be this loud. He starts sucking Jimmy's collarbone giving him a love bite, stroking Jimmy's cock harder and faster. Jimmy knew he wasn't going to last much longer, he didn't want it to end. He knew Thomas was nowhere near as ready to orgasm yet. Thomas locked his forehead with Jimmy's looking him in the eye breathing heavily. "Ugh James, I love you so much" Thomas started kissing Jimmy's mouth. Jimmy was sure with those words he was going to cum. He tangled his hands with Thomas's black hair pulling hard, his head tilted back so that you could see his vain's on his neck. Thomas sucking hard on his exposed neck. Jimmy tried so hard not to cum yet but it was hopeless Thomas was too good. "I- I'm going-" Jimmy breathing hard and dripping in sweat as he came in Thomas's hand. "Ahhhh Thomas" He moaned trembling and shaking. He'd never experienced an orgasm like that. Thomas pulled himself out off Jimmy slowly, falling on Jimmy's chest. Jimmy knew Thomas hadn't cum yet so he turned Thomas on his back and started to kiss his way down to his lover's cock. "Jimmy" Thomas moans. Jimmy took that as an indication he was doing well. He starts sucking his lovers cock slow and calm exploring it, using his tongue and hand. Thomas brings his elbows up to lean on them so he can watch his lover pleasure him. He bit his lower lip tilting his head back. "Bloody hell" Thomas breathlessly moaned. Jimmy smiled, he took pride in making Thomas feel this way. "Jimmy, I'm going to cum" Thomas lifted his head back up to watch Jimmy's motion. Thomas inhaling and exhaling faster as he could feel himself on the verge of an orgasm, his elbows becoming weaker from his weight. Jimmy felt a shot of cum hit his throat, still sucking hard to get every last drop of cum. Thomas's elbows gave way and he crashes his head back on the pillow, his arms hanging out of the bed. Jimmy crawled his way up to Thomas's chest to rest his head, one leg in between Thomas's thighs. Thomas wrapped his arms around Jimmy holding him tight.

 

Jimmy thought to himself that evening time would be his favourite moment of his days, to be alone with his lover, free to be himself away from judgement. Jimmy popped up on his elbow cupping Thomas's red cheeks and kissed him. "I love you Thomas Barrow" Thomas smiled, he longed to hear Jimmy say those words. "I love you too Jimmy Kent" Jimmy blushed and looked down. Jimmy lost his smile when he saw Thomas's scarred arm full of self-inflicted cuts, it broke his heart that Thomas would harm himself. Thomas noticed what Jimmy was starring at. He felt so embarrassed and ashamed of his scars. He took his arm away and hid it under the covers not being able to look at Jimmy he looked across the room. Jimmy looked back at Thomas to see the shame he wore on his face. Jimmy got onto Thomas's lap making his lover sit up and kissed the side of his mouth. He slowly went to retrieve his lover's arm to kiss it. A tear came down Thomas's cheek, he hated the scars he gave himself. Jimmy wiped the tear away from his cheek and turned Thomas's face to look at him. Jimmy slowly went in for a tender loving kiss.

 

"Did you harm yourself because of me?" Jimmy had to ask.

 

Thomas looked away but Jimmy cupped his face with both hands making him unable to look away. "Yes but it wasn't just about you" Thomas honestly replied.

 

"Why did you do it?" sadness in Jimmy's eyes.

 

Thomas sighed. "I had some self-loathing issues. I felt everybody hated me so I started to hate myself when I looked in the mirror I hated what I saw. I guess I harmed myself as it took away some of the pain I felt"

 

"Do you still feel that way now?" Jimmy wanted to know, wanted to know if Thomas was happy.

 

Thomas had a genuine smile on his face. "No"

 

"Good" Jimmy smiled.

 

He felt his lover's hands on his hips, he looked down and realised Thomas's left hand still had his glove on. Jimmy took his left hand and started to take the glove off. "It's not a pretty sight Jimmy" Thomas warned him. Jimmy shook his head in disagreement. "Shut up Mr Barrow" Jimmy smiled. He took the glove off leaving Thomas's hand naked and scar in full sight. He kissed the scar while looking deep in Thomas's eyes. "It's an ugly scar" Thomas huffed out. Jimmy punches Thomas's biceps hard. "Ow! What was that for?" Thomas hissed. "No scar of yours is ugly. Don't ever say that" Jimmy hates hearing Thomas call his scars ugly. Jimmy brushes his thumb against Thomas's lower red lip. "I love every part of you" Thomas laughed and rolled his eyes. "Soppy you are tonight" Jimmy laughed and laid down on Thomas. They both fell asleep holding each other, both feeling safe and warm.


End file.
